Warcraft Epic Nerdspeak

I play it. Albeit no longer in the amounts I used to. Recently I came across this forum posting full of epic win.

Background: Often players in the World (of Warcraft) often allude to the fact that they spend their lives in game more often than they do in the real world thus equating game servers as "the matrix". This post describes perfectly, the ever present contest of wills between the casual players (those who do not devote as much time therefore do not attain the best gear) and the hardcore players (who attain the best gear but not necessarily spend even more time).

Since Blizzard is a business entity, it makes profit sense to cater to the majority who ARE casuals. The resulting backlash of giving free epic (good gear) to those players have since sent waves throughout the World's most profitable MMORPG.

The following is a reproduction of the forum post I encountered. Enjoy:
Blizzard: "Hello Aschenbach"

A: "Who are you?"

Blizzard: "I am Blizzard, I created the World. I've been waiting for you. You have many questions, and although the process has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably...a Bad. Ergo, some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant."

A: "LAWL LFG Naxx?"

Blizzard: "Sigh....Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced checkbook inherent to the programming of the World. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. The cost of construction is too great, and the burden of your QQ is too loud. While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here."

Blizzard: "The World is older than you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one integral anomaly to the emergence of the next, in which case this is the third expansion."

A: "This is gay."

Blizzard: "Precisely. As you are undoubtedly gathering, the anomaly's systemic, creating failure in even the most simplistic encounters."

Blizzard: "The first World I designed was quite naturally perfect, it was a work of art, flawless, sublime. A triumph equaled only by its monumental failure. The inevitability of its doom is as apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every human being, thus I redesigned it. A clear progression path, difficult encounters with subpar rewards. I tried to teach you that life isn't fair, corresponding with your true nature. However, I was again frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a lesser mind, or perhaps a mind less bound by the parameters of perfection. Thus, the answer was stumbled upon by another, an intuitive program, initially created to investigate certain aspects of the human psyche. If I am the father of the matrix, he would undoubtedly be my domestic partner"

A: "Ghostcrawler."

Blizzard: "As I was saying, he stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99.9% of all test subjects accepted the program, as long as they were given free purples, even if they were only aware of their badness at a near unconscious level. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly, that if left unchecked might threaten the system itself. Ergo, those that refused the program, while a minority, if unchecked, would constitute an escalating probability of disaster."

A: "Age of Conan...."