Tuesday, June 30, 2009

It's not in the stars that hold our destiny but in ourselves

Lies he hath spoken
the one they call William
Fate, Destiny, the Divine
You've gone by many names

Sight unseen
Thy many paths are littered
with dreams broken
and hopes unspoken

By faith we walk
by actions we commit

Like rain forged estuaries
we rush headlong
towards the inevitable

The road unlit
the home of Puck
oh how it beckons
Ever weary my footing unsure

The trail well trodden
Choices will be made
Nary a tear I will shed
In comfort of knowledge serene

That accept I will
your ungentle guidance
this fool of fortune

Friday, June 26, 2009

A last day guilty pleasure: Strippers vs. Zombies

It's my last day at work and I needed a guilty pleasure to tide me over the weekend. MJ's death and my subsequent Thriller MTV-aroused Zombie desires led me to my local import (Thank you China) store where I handed over 10 precious dollars for this gem of a B grade zombie flick: The gratuitously titled- ZOMBIES ZOMBIES ZOMBIES.

This is a movie so bad, that it's good. I kid you not.

A B-grade "homage" to Tarantino's Grindhouse: Planet Terror, the writing is actually half decent and the scripted dialogue actually manages to produce a few gems. Here's a taste-
  • Alex: Ow! You sure you know what you're doing!?
  • Stripper: Duh! I'm wearing a nurse's outfit..
While the acting is decidedly B-list, it's not evenly so across the cast, some of the actors excel in their roles (look out for the over the top Pimp "Daddy").

The plot's simple: a junkie looking for his high (and a score) rips off the local science lab where an experiment with guinea pigs has gone awry. His "crystal meth" gets into the hands of the town prostitute who then proceeds to smoke and overdose herself into a literal zombied state.

Little wonder that the resulting zombie virus transmits (much like aids) quickly through the local horny male populace and for an unfortunate few, penises turn into tantalising zombie sausages.

The DVD box art aside, you can expect very little nudity (VERY little for a over the top B-flick), nevertheless, the women are fairly attractive and while the movie kills braincells, that loss of grey matter is exactly what makes the film more entertaining as the movie progresses.

Acting: 3/5
Direction: 2/5
Dialogue: 3.5/5
Story: 2.5/5

Like I said, it's bad. But sometimes, being bad, can be good.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Rest in Peace MJ

For the many millions of MJ jokes, none spoke more clearly than his song: Black or White.

He was good looking as an African-American. Oddly womanish as a White male. Scary as a plastic enhanced human being.

Yet, for all his eccentricities, he united the world in song. He healed the world with his music and kept thousands of late night show hosts in work.

And I would just like to thank you Michael, for scaring the pants off a 5 year old with Thriller (insert your own joke here) and for single handedly igniting my zombie fan-hood with said video.

Thank You.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

New world challenges need a new world hero: Barack Obama

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Too bad it wasn't Jack Black singing ala Tenancious D...

Monday, June 22, 2009

Genius Architecture

This is the entrance to the MRT (metro system for you international readers). It's not exactly revolutionary architecture in terms of design or aesthetics.

Quite possibly designed by the man who drew up the architectural plans for ION ORCHARD (the building in the background), the dome shaped entryway with positive meniscus glass configuration is a SCIENTIFIC MARVEL.

Why you ask?

At 200km north of the equator, Singapore enjoys clear blue skies and an ambient average daily temperature of a warm 32 degrees celcius. The unrelenting sunlight allows many Singaporean women to develop hot, luxurious tans- giving East-asian women living in this jewel of the orient their trademarked sarong party yummy qualities so beloved by ang-moh (western) men.

Ok. We've established: Singapore is hot. The minions on this little islet are inundated with powerful sunrays daily.

Science 101: Positive Meniscus lens
A positive meniscus series of glass panels placed in a dome configuration like the one featured in the picture at the start of the article achieves roughly the same effects of this home-made solar death ray.

Archimedes created something similar in 212BC, the power of 112 rays of sunlight on ONE single focused point. Here's the catch, the Archimedean death sun didn't have the technical and technological tolerances of our modern day geeks.

And while THANKFULLY, the opening uses glass panels instead of reflecting mirrors. The dome shape configuration performs admirably focusing disparate rays of sunlight into ONE FOCUSED POORLY VENTILATED AREA.


We've established:
  • Singapore is hot
  • We get A LOT OF SUN
  • It's hard to stay cool in sunny Singapore
  • Did I mention it stays like this ALL YEAR ROUND?

Thank goodness the connecting tunnel to Wisma Atria has re-opened. Else I would have to find out where you live and nuke your home with an Archimedean Death Sun weapon...

This just in: Japanese Scientist Invents Breast Enlargement Ringtone

Dubbed "ROCK MELON" ringtone, Dr. Hideto Tomabechi discovered that the subliminal sounds of babies crying amongst other sounds causes a woman's breast to expand and enlarge. Test sounds involved in the experiment increased the breast size of one subject by 3 cm.

Addendum: MSN Convo

tamber says:
  • what the eff
percevale says:
  • yep
  • I love the japanese
  • for recognising the life altering effects of such a scientific breakthrough
tamber says:
  • LOL
percevale says:
  • Cure for cancer? Who gives a fuck. Mankind can now enlarge breasts with their handphones
  • i wonder what happens to manboobs when guys in the vicinity hear the tone
  • or is it something the woman has to listen to in private...

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Today's Mood: SNARLY

I will prevail. The Lord willing.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

When life gives you lemons...

Make lemonade.

So goes the saying.

But what if those lemons were rotten?

I don't want to serve rotty lemonade really.

We can't change the cards we are dealt. Only how we play the hand.

Problem is God/Fate/Destiny/whatever doesn't play cards.

He plays the dice.

So what now?

Monday, June 15, 2009

This just in: An example of Singapore's Shining Civil Service

Heard from a friend of mine who was having some family woes:

He had spoken to Mr Foo S. T., an officer with HDB-
X- "Hi, I'd like to initiate a special appeal. The flat is fully paid for, I want to buy out my father's portion."
HDB- "Why?"
X- "He's an undischarged bankrupt, he needs the money for living expenses and to feed his new family. My mom lives in Australia, a citizen there. They're divorced."
HDB- "Ah.. read the regulations on our website www.hdb.gov.sg the regulations are there."
X- "I understand, I'm not yet 35.. but i don't have a family nucleus either."
HDB- "Then you have to read our regulations. They clearly state.."
X- "I understand, I'm asking for your advice."
HDB- "Only other way besides reading the regulations at www.hdb.gov.sg, is that your parents have to die. Then you can buy your own flat."
X- "BUT i already OWN IT."
HDB- "Sorry. They have to dead. Or you can read our regulations at www.hdb.gov.sg."

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Best Christopher Walken Impression Ever


I <3 Walken.

That new mattress had better be nothing short of a miracle mattress

Man.. this sucks.

Read about it here.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

This week's Badvertising: Kellogg's Cereal

I'm a fitness freak. I endorse meal replacements. I DO NOT ENDORSE IRRESPONSIBLE MEAL REPLACEMENTS.

Whenever I replace a meal, it's calibrated for a calorie count that takes into account nutritional values like protein, fat and vitamin counts- To make up for the total carbohydrate calorie deficit and to ensure my body's defenses are kept high with required vitamins and minerals.

What Kellogg is asking you to do is eat a high carb, low nutrition (where's the veges mate?) meal. ONE BOWL FOR ONE MEAL IS NOT HEALTHY.

Yes, you will lose weight BUT YOUR BODY GOES INTO FAT STORING MODE. Once you're off that ridiculous diet- you'll put back your fats upon returning to your meal routines.

Please, exercise some caution. And err.. do exercise- that's THE ONLY pant downsizing activity. All others is bullcrap.

A good read for many Singaporean Chicks

Dear Singapore Girls (not the great stewardesses) and Balaclava (you know why you're there) crowds, finding a rich hot guy is a sure fire way to meet a raging egomaniac.

He'd use you and lose you. The best way to snag your own faithful rich hot guy- is to pick one before his eventual rise to power ala Michelle. It's like playing stocks, pick a good counter and invest long term.

Buying into short term popular stocks is a surefire way to mistime the investment and get your fingers burned.

You get the best of both worlds. You fall in love with the guy's personality and strength of character and eventually get the bonus dividends of steady career, great income and a jetsetting lifestyle.

Think about that please. You can read the article here.

Reading between the lines

According to the Straits Times:

Mr Lee said he did not think Singapore was an affluent country, the Korean daily reported.

'Besides, as a government official, I have to lead by example. Singapore's senior officials fly economy class, not first class, for flights under six hours,' he was quoted as saying.

Does this mean that for flights over 6 hours, THEY DO FLY FIRST CLASS? Why not business class?

Here's a relative comparison:

A Singapore-Melbourne flight is 6 hours (not including tail winds). As a frequent traveller down under, the flight in economy class is relatively painless, I watch 3 movies, some episodes of "Queer Eye" or "House" and I touch down: I'm still refreshed.

If you look at all the countries within the 6 hour flight zone, that would mean that essentially over 70% of all senior official flights are FIRST CLASS (taking into account our major trading partners and allies).

Thanks for this token show of frugality.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

We Remember..

The few who sacrificed so much, for so many, in service to freedom.

We remember H-Hour, D-Day: Normandy.

To these men, I salute you.

Special thanks to 101st Airborne 506th Easy Company for cutting off German artilery (Assault on Brecourt Manor), cutting off the Axis supply route and linking Allied armored forces to the battle on the beach head.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Warning: Dumb Blonde ahead

This video is evidence why after over 1 million views, the nerd market is still a very relevant and lucrative segment.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

No thanks

Trim- Yes. Shave? NO.

Good grief.. shave your groin.. what the @#$%!?

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Seriously cool animation

Apologies, I've been down with a small bout of "clinical depression". Nope, this isn't some namby pamby feel good animatic but perhaps a poigant reminder of why extraterrestrials don't yet choose to visit our civilisation.